My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
