I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
