my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
