If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
