The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
