Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
