dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
