i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and she was petting her beer can
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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