Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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