I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
