we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
