Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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