grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
