Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
