I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
