my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
