Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
