I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
