atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
