8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
