This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
