How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
