her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
