ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
