So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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