I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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