and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
