Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They took my balls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
