All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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