chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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