she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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