Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
