i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
