wrigley field is MILF paradise
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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