Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
