why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
