the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
