pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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