Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
