Got a toothbrush?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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