There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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