I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
