My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
