well you can't waste a boner
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
