Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
