What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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