You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
