I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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