I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
