I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
