Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
