she woke up with a sticky ear
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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